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mr. fucker

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[23 Mar 2004|12:18pm]
[ mood | contemplative ]

HEY! What does they mean, no beards? I'ma proud of mah beard!


I Am A: Lawful Evil GnomeMage Bard


Alignment:
Lawful Evil characters believe that a nice, orderly system of life is perfect for them to abuse for their own advancement. They will work within 'the system' to get the best that they can for themselves.


Race:
Gnomes are also short, like dwarves, but much skinnier. They have no beards, and are very inclined towards technology, although they have been known to dabble in magic, too. They tend to be fun-loving and fond of jokes and humor. Some gnomes live underground, and some live in cities and villages. They are very tolerant of other races, and are generally well-liked, though occasionally considered frivolous.


Primary Class:
Mages harness the magical energies for their own use. Spells, spell books, and long hours in the library are their loves. While often not physically strong, their mental talents can make up for this.


Secondary Class:
Bards are the entertainers. They sing, dance, and play instruments to make other people happy, and, frequently, make money. They also tend to dabble in magic a bit.


Deity:
Velsharoon is the Neutral Evil god of necromancy, liches, and undeath. He is also known as the Vaunted, the Archmage of Necromancy, and the Lord of the Forgotten Crypt. His followers practice the necromantic arts, and raise the dead to do their bidding. His symbol is a crowned skull.


Find out What D&D Character Are You?, courtesy ofNeppyMan (e-mail)

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[27 Feb 2004|12:31am]


Mr. Fucker Is Pimpin'
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[09 Dec 2003|08:25am]
[ mood | amused ]

HEY BIZNATCHES! I'ma feelin' so damn festive that I went round doin something called LJ Christmas Carolling. Basically I'm leavin' random Christmas song lyrics in people's journals. WOO!
And for those of ya who have your panties in a bunch, it's sort of counter-productive to flame a garden gnome, no? JEEBUS if this shit continues I'ma goin friends only! Come on minions, support mah decision!

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[21 Sep 2003|06:00pm]
WHAT THE FUCK!! These sonsofbitches don't know jack sheeit!



Uh, HELLO! Like gnome all the way y0!
6 comments|post comment

[08 Jul 2003|12:00pm]
[ mood | sexxxxxy ]

HEY BIZNATCHES! yer lord and master MR. FUCKER has decided to be an alternative model! soon i will work with all kindsa internet-famous photographers and you will all wish you had licked mah ass before i got so far outta yer league!
I went to a talent agency and they tells me that, I'm too short. Then they says, you look alike in every picture. Well fuck that I say! They just don't understand my alternative look! Here, check it out yourself.

PS: The copymarks are so that no pathetic biznatches go around stealin' me face. Then I'd have to break my hat off in their asses!


Here I look mighty intellectual and pondifferous! But still alternative and glam like hella!


HOT TOPIC are you readin this?! I am a mighty fine internet model!


Body shot ta prove I ain't a Down Syndrome fat kid in a wheelchair! The photographer, he likes ta use all these funky angles and lightin combinations. He's a mighty fine artist I tells ya!


This pose be lookin' natural which is a credit to my genius alone. The photographer put me in this cold-ass room and it was wet and ya could see the asbestos particles floatin around in the air! And he says, "I'ma wrap up yer boobs in plastic wrap and then you'lla be posin' with a flayed cat! Lick the blood out of it all sexy-like!" And I said "NO WAY PERV! PERV! GAWDAMIGHTY GIT AWAY!" Then I farted on him and left, but these still're goin' in my portfolio.

What think ye! By the way don't be askin' me why such a fine fine model such as myself still be single. I'm TOO BUSY BIZNATCHES! So Suzy McClarren and Edna DeMarrier -- stop callin' and stalkin' me! Goddamn!

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[03 Jul 2003|08:47am]
WOO! Last night I had a dream about two bisexual female garden gnomes! I better clean up the strumpethead's dresser for her before she notices.........
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[03 Jul 2003|08:34am]
[ mood | high ]

Well fuck me! Mah website isn't working. Now how am I supposed to respond to those in need who want my advice?! HEY STRUMPETHEAD! RECTIFY THIS SITUATION!
Know what annoys me? People who say "measure" funny. They say it all stupid like maeeeesur. Damn that's aggravating.
Another thing that makes me want to poke people with a lit cigarette is the way eveeryone in Livejournally land acts as your personal hyooman spellchecker monkey and practically sticks their dick in your ear when you SPELL something wrong. Jeebus, people. Pull your heads out of your anal asses. I don't know of anyone who is using this service to write their thesis.
I'm bored! Someone give me something else to complain about!
I think I need some more hashish. I can't stand anything this early in the morning without being a lil intoxicated, you know?!

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[02 Jul 2003|07:08pm]
Gaddamn! Am I the ONLY person who remembers The Sifil and Olly Show?! It made my lice crawl in delight it did! I miss watchin' them two socks converse!
6 comments|post comment

[02 Jul 2003|12:57pm]
[ mood | depressed ]

Does anyone know, if you eat pussy does it have calories??These bitch tits have GOTTA go. So, can I still go on fantasizing about going down on Missy Elliot or will it result in cottage cheeze thighs? I'm worried about mah health!
By the by, being celibate sure BLOWS. But when was the last time you saw a female garden gnome?? Sure, there's midgetesses, but they won't even look at me.

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